Chapman decided to the right thing, in her mind, and come clean to Caputo regarding Pennsatucky. For her being an honest inmate, not only is Pennsatucky released from Psych to rejoin the general population, but Chapman has been assigned 14 days of janitorial duty as penance.
No good dead goes unpunished, right Chapman?
While she’s cleaning the bathroom, Crazy Eyes shows up, also cleaning. It’s not a punishment, however. Crazy Eyes enjoys cleaning because it gives her a way to handle her mental problems. Cleaning, to her, is therapeutic.
Also, she can’t pass up an opportunity to correct Chapman’s cleaning style in the wake of Hurricane Larry blowing the lid off Chapman’s alleged feelings towards the other inmates.
No good dead…
Alex shows up to use the bathroom early in the morning. She talks to Chapman about Larry, but Chapman can’t keep her cool. She reveals that she knows Alex ratted her out in the indictment. Taking a moral high road, Chapman claims to be over it, so it’s not a big deal that her ex-lover betrayed her trust and is the sole reason for her current imprisonment.
In addition to dealing with the truth about Alex, Chapman must put out fires throughout The Litch, thanks to Larry and his big fricking mouth. Way to go, Larry.
First up, Claudette. Good luck with that, Chapman. Claudette’s already a million miles away in her mind, spending her life with Jean-Baptiste on the outside. She doesn’t have time for your bullshit.
Pennsatucky has nothing but time now that she’s been released from Psych. She’s not the same spunky, quick-witted, woman of faith anymore. Instead, she’s learned that no one is punishing the bad people on Earth, so there’s no one praising the good ones either.
Chapman has broken Pennsatucky’s faith in God, the only thing she had in life anymore.
How do we know this? Because this episode focuses on Pennsatucky’s backstory.
We start our introduction into who Tiffany Doggett by being shown her lying in bed with her boyfriend. They are naked, talking about her needing to go to the abortion clinic. They discuss the pros and cons of having children, particularly the WiC program. The alternative to prison for keeping a baby while being addicted to meth? Give up meth, of course.
Naturally, this makes them laugh hysterically. Meth one, children negative five.
Seriously, negative five. Just trust me.
Doggett wakes up in a bed at the abortion clinic. A nurse walks in, reading her chart. The nurse makes a fatal joke. Literally.
It happens to be the fifth abortion for Doggett, which amuses the nurse. She jokes that the sixth abortion should be free. You know, like a coffee loyalty card.
Doggett doesn’t find it funny. In fact, she finds it disrespectful.
She leaves the clinic, heading out to her boyfriend’s truck. Inside is a loaded shotgun. Doggett takes it, claiming she was disrespected, and storms into the clinic once more. Gunshots are heard, indicating Doggett’s revenge.
Oh, yeah, and there is a group of anti-abortion protestors outside the clinic who witnessed Doggett grabbing the gun and entering the clinic.
Jump ahead to her day in court, where Doggett is introduced to her new lawyer. He’s a slick, high-priced lawyer from a Christian firm, bought and paid for entirely by some Christian groups. Doggett, naturally, is confused as to why she has this lawyer and why anyone would do something like this for her.
When she enters the courtroom, it becomes obvious. Doggett is now a celebrity for the anti-abortion cause. Signs, banners, and chants all support and praise Doggett for her actions.
Pennsatucky is born that day, with a smile as she sits next to the lawyer amidst the backdrop of celebrity.
Speaking of celebrity, let’s return our attention to Chapman, who is a celebrity diva in her own right. She’s busy fixing a toaster when Alex shows up, baiting Chapman into an argument by being flirtatious and affectionate. Chapman takes the bait, snapping at Alex that it is not okay that she ratted her out. Chapman demands to know why Alex did it.
Alex, sounding like a sane person, says she was offered a lot less time in prison if she told the feds who else was involved. Also, Alex was still upset about Chapman’s departing at the same time as her mother died.
It’s too late for apologize to soothe over that heartache.
Apologies won’t work for Pornstache either. He’s in the supply closet, engaging sexually with Daya. Gloria and Morello work together to distract Caputo long enough for Daya to be in the process of having sex with Pornstache. Morello uses a story about hearing crying in the closet as reason for Caputo to investigate. It works, particularly since Tricia’s death was so close to the circumstances reported.
Caputo opens the door and finds Pornstache balls deep inside Daya. Busted!
According to the law in New York, this was rape, a fact Caputo pushes in talks with Fig. She, however, disagrees, saying that Pornstache should be suspended without pay. She says this works best since the budget could use the relief from not paying him during this period.
Bennett breaks the news to Daya that her plan didn’t work as expected. Pornstache wasn’t fired, meaning he’ll be able to come back to work one day. A DNA test becomes a real possibility for the couple.
Jones and Watson have a heart-to-heart conversation about why yoga class was cancelled. Watson, you may recall, was slapped by Jones after Watson called Jones a child killer. Jones needed time to deal with her emotions over that label. Jones then tells Watson what landed her into prison.
Jones was a pot farmer, growing a lot of different plants on her land. She had a deer infestation problem. Deer, evidently, love pot. They can’t get enough of the stuff. Jones had put out traps and built fences, but it was no use. The deer kept eating her pot plants.
She had the idea to stay up all night, shooting the deer when they entered her property. After several days, and several drinks, she saw a deer eating her weed. She took aim and fired at the deer. She killed it.
Only, it wasn’t a deer. It was the neighbor boy, running away from home. She’d shot an upset 8-year-old who was fleeing his parents home over a Xbox.
Fischer enters the room while Jones is finishing the story. Fischer has already been in trouble for being too nice to the inmates. Most recently, Fischer was called out for allowing Sister Ingalls to leave the cafeteria with food. Caputo wants her to be tougher on the inmates.
Fischer tells the inmates, in her sternest tone, to get back to work. They lash back, telling her that they are having a moment. Fischer caves very quickly, apologizing.
Pennsatucky isn’t finished trying to recapture her sense of purpose. Thankfully, she now has a plan to get back into God’s good graces. Chapman must accept the Lord into her heart. Pennsatucky shares this insight with Chapman.
Chapman considers herself Agnostic, but she decides to placate Pennsatucky by playing along. Chapman says a prayer to Jesus, asking to be forgiven.
All goes well until Pennsatucky tells Chapman a baptism is needed. That’s where Chapman draws the line, insulting Pennsatucky’s faith again, saying she thought the baptism was a joke.
Bad idea, Chapman. Bad idea.
Not only does Chapman back out of the baptism, but she insults Pennsatucky’s faith by daring to question aspects of the Bible. Pennsatucky throws down, telling Chapman that she tried to be a friend, to give Chapman a new start in her book. Now, that’s all gone.
Chapman has disrespected Pennsatucky, and we all know what happens to people who disrespect her. They end up dead, which is exactly what Pennsatucky says must happen to Chapman now.
The Red vs. Pornstache battle isn’t over yet, despite Pornstache being suspended from the prison. He tells Bennett that Red is the drug dealer for the prison. If Bennett stops the truck, he can confiscate the drugs and be a hero.
Bennett does so, taking the drugs to Caputo. Caputo is elated to see the bust. It’s a feather in both their caps.
Red, who is acting as a translator between Healy and his Russian mail order bride, is summoned to Caputo’s office. She’s in big trouble, and she knows who is responsible for it.
Taystee is back in The Litch. She complains to Poussey about what happened on the outside, how hard it was. Poussey gets upset, saying there are plenty of women on the inside who’d kill to be on the outside, to see their families. Taystee says it doesn’t work for her since all she knows is institutional life.
Speaking of institutional life, Claudette received word on her appeal. All the signs were there, saying things would go well for her. She had been lifted up so high, given so much hope, turned into a positive beacon, only to come crashing down in a sudden, and violent, thud. Her appeal was denied.
Fischer, still under orders to be tougher on the inmates, makes another mistake in applying herself. She tells Claudette to follow the rules. Claudette chokes Fischer, which is a major no-no. Claudette is restrained and taken away to the maximum security ward.
There’s no returning when you’re put into the Max.
Figuroa is leaving for the day, heading out to her car, when her cell phone rings. It’s a reporter asking her about the budget cuts Larry mentioned on the program, when the budget records show increases every year. The reporter keeps pressing her about the money, which she tries to dodge. She claims Larry doesn’t know what he was saying, but she’ll look into it and get back with him.
All of this happens while she’s stepping into a brand new Mercedes-Benz vehicle.